Writing Goals

Sometimes I feel like the weight of the story inside my head is crushing down on me. I am finding that I am an impulsive writer, a write by the moment writer, not an outliner but a pantser. Writing by the seat of my pants all willy nilly. Do I want to be, not really but anytime I try to organize my thoughts and plan out a writing goal...I got nothing.

A little about me. I am a nerd. Unapologetically geeky. I love comic books, RPG's (specifically Pathfinder and D&D 5E), if I could, I would live in a fantasy world but instead I read massive amounts of high fantasy, urban fantasy, sci fi, most any kind of fiction. In the last 2 years I have begun the journey of actively writing my first book. It is a high fantasy novel about a blind girl with nature magic. The main character, Laila, is based on one of my characters from the Dungeons and Dragons campaign that I have been playing for the last 4 years. She is close to my heart and it has been a pleasure crafting her world and developing the supporting characters to help or hinder her along on her journey but lately I am finding it harder and harder to sit down and write. What do I do? If I had the answer to that question maybe I'd have a finished first draft by now. Instead I am finding inspiration in a short story, a novella, about twin sisters. Initially I thought they would just be a couple pages to keep me creative but know I see them tying into the main story of the book. I think my only problem is that I am overwhelmed by the idea of finishing a book. What is the first step after the draft is done? How do I find beta readers? How do I write a query letter? What is a query letter? Should I just self publish? What is the right thing to do?

So many more questions than answers. The only thing that I can be sure of is that I can't wait to bring this story to the public. Hopefully someone will want to read it.